Day Before Scheduled C-Section

No wonder the Lord advises us to leave the plans up to Him. If you would have told me 6 months ago that I would be losing a precious niece, or that I would be scheduled for an evening C-Section at the exact same hospital just a week later, I would have not believed you for one second. It seems like just a month ago, everything was perfect. I am the sort of person who doesn’t love to sit in thoughts or feelings if I know the’yre going to make me sad. I actually really don’t like being sad, or crying, or any of it. I want to move forward as quickly as possible, and to forget. Unfortunately, there are some times in life that need and deserve to be taken in. To be fully felt. Sitting here even figuring out my feelings as I type here is more difficult than I expected it to be just a second ago even, but I’m going to just power through.

It’s been one of the worst weeks of my life, having to watch my sister give birth to a baby who had gone to heaven. I remember being in the hospital room saying “Lord, if you don’t make this miracle happen, then I wont be able to handle it”… When I starred out the window and said that, I meant it with everything in me. Yet here I am, a week later, no miracle, pressing on. I have yet to listen to worship music, my prayers sound like I’m talking to a stranger who’s presence I’m uncomfortable with, and I have so many questions that I feel as though I need answered in order to move forward, even though I know nobody can. I was angry for just a minute, still I’m confused, but I mostly am just forcing myself to choose to trust, because I know what it looks like to turn away, and it’s a dark and scary place.

Having to shift my mind towards the fact that my own little one will be here tomorrow- it’s actually a really crazy concept to grasp. I never even considered a C-section to be an option, I sure don’t want to go back to that hospital, and it’s an interesting feeling knowing that this baby deserves it’s mother to welcome them with joy, when there are pieces of my heart that still haven’t quite healed from last week’s tragedy. My sister and I were supposed to do this together, and I think that is one of the things that hurts the most. I want every part of this for her, honestly more than I want it for myself.

Today, my mom, sisters and I take another step forward by finally getting to enjoy the Fall menu at True Food (my sister Brooke’s favorite restaurant), and getting our nails done. I’ll probably enjoy one last cup of iced coffee by myself in a cute little coffee shop before baby, and I’m sure the better part of the evening will be spent snuggling with Seth, dreaming of what this little one will look like, and simply enjoying every bit of each other’s presence before things get a little crazy.

This is by no means how I pictured this time looking, or how I pictured feeling the day before before I bring a baby into this world but I will take it, because honestly, it is what it is. I can either choose to accept it and embrace it, or reject it. I choose to continue clinging to the few things that I know. I choose to maintain an outlook filled with peace and joy, instead of fear or frustration. Yes, there were tears this morning. I think I simply felt overwhelmed! When you wake up to a text letting you know that your C-Section is 3.5 hours earlier than you thought, things feel EXTRA real. None of this was certainly in my plan, but for some reason it’s all a part of His, and as hard as it is to do, I will do my best to rest in that.

38 Week Baby Update

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve last updated you guys, and I feel like everything and nothing has changed at the same time! Two weeks ago, I could not wrap my head around why people struggled so much at the end of pregnancy! I felt totally fine, a few aches and pains but nothing serious! I felt like I could have been pregnant forever. WELL. 38 weeks today, and I feel like I need a wheelchair to get around! My hips nearly give out while heading to the bathroom 27 times a night, my back is LEGIT on fire, and these braxton hicks contractions are literally taking my breath away! If Seth passes up a close parking spot at the grocery store (or really anywhere), I actually get an attitude. It’d bad, guys.

In all seriousness, I couldn’t be more grateful STILL. I know there are people who endure incredibly tough pregnancies, and although it’s getting REAL, I still feel so blessed and thankful for my pregnancy experience, despite the past month of unknowns. Which brings me to my next point. This baby’s position. So far, baby is still breech. Yup! Nestled high and tight with his or her head REAL comfy in my chest. The head has not budged an inch, and it’s little skinny booty is lodging further into my pelvis at this point. I still have no idea what is going to happen, because anything COULD happen, but all of that being said- we have scheduled our C-section for the 5th of September, which would put me at 39 weeks and 3 days.

It’s actually insane to me the fact that I could be holding our little angel baby in my arms in less than two weeks! HOW?! I cannot believe it. I will say that no matter how this baby enters the world, I am SO ready and excited for it all. I can’t wait to meet them, snuggle them, dress them, photograph them, feed them, all of it! While knowing the exact date (and time… 4:30 p.m. to be exact) that I could be bringing life into the world is a little different, I’ve totally come to terms with it. I have chosen to keep my mind, heart and hands open to what the Lord has for myself and this little one when it comes to this birth, and because of that I simply have an unexplainable peace. I just can’t wait!

Seth and I have our 38 week appointment tomorrow morning, my sisters and I have a mani/pedi scheduled for Wednesday, the first TCA high school football game is on Friday (my husband coaches football at a high school here and absolutely loves it… I am SO ready for the season, and all that comes with the joy and excitement of Friday night lights!), I’ve got a little surprise spa day at the Joule in Dallas planned for Seth this Saturday afternoon and a little “manly baby shower” with the guys at Top Golf in the evening. There’s SO much happening within the next couple of weeks that I am incredibly excited for, so I am totally not wishing this time away. I’m definitely ready, but ya girl really does need that mani/pedi so if baby could keep cookin for a bit, that would be just wonderful! P.S. How excited are we for Fall?! I promised I wouldn’t be that basic girl who literally prayed for Summer to come faster and then immediately wishes it away, but here I am. Summer, you’ve been so sweet, but you hot. I cannot wait for my Fall wardrobe, the hot spiced cider, the pumpkin pie, the cozy weather, you get it. I just had to throw it out there. While having your last few month of pregnancy be during a Texas Summer is NOT ideal, the season that the enter the world in really is one that I am looking so forward to!

Last little update, WE ARE GETTING A NEW CAR! My mom is driving it back from Chicago this week (we love one of the dealerships there and have pretty much leased/bought every car our family has ever had through them). We are OVER THE MOON! We currently have a cute lil Chevy Malibu, but once we put the carseat in there, we decided that it might be time before our little one comes to maybe upgrade to an SUV type car, SO WE DID! We had been thinking about it a lot, but I can’t believe how soon it all came about. Come Wednesday or Thursday, we’ll have a brand new GMC Terrain! It’s all black (with black rims as per Seth’s prayer request) and we seriously cannot believe it. These are the times I feel like I want to pinch myself because of the Lord’s goodness. We’re so excited to simply have more space, two cars (which hasn’t ever been the case for us since we’ve been married), and coming at the most perfect time. Gosh guys, God is GOOD!

That’s all for now, folks! Things are getting so close and real here but we couldn’t be more excited about this precious season. I’d love to chat with you guys so make sure you either connect with me via instagram (@jaclynmgibson) or leave a comment below! Thanks for being a part of our little journey. I can’t tell you how much it means to me and how special it feels to get to know you guys!

36 Week Update + ECV Experience

One of the main reasons I am bringing back my blog is because I feel like I’m entering into a new season where I desire to share more, but a space like Instagram can only go so far! I’m definitely a talker and prefer getting to sort of mind dump in words, and sometimes that can be a bit much in 15 second story increments! Therefore, here we are and welcome!

A lot of you have been keeping up with me and my pregnancy, which has honestly been so much fun! Since about a month ago where things have sort of taken an unexpected turn, you guys have been so incredibly supportive and encouraging, so of course I want to keep you all posted on updates and news! I also just to share this process with you guys because I know personally it brings me comfort to hear of other people’s experiences with different situations!

I am currently 36 weeks, and my little stubborn babe is still breech! I know that literally almost anything can happen in this situation, whether they decide to flip WEEKS from now, or decide to stay bottom down, but it can definitely be discouraging when you are doing every little thing you can to flip your baby, and every day continuing to wake up feeling your little one’s head nudged up into your chest! I truly know with all of my heart that however this sweet baby wants to make it’s appearance, will be just fine. We are wholeheartedly trusting the Lord and taking it day by day, because that is all we can do! Of course, we would love to proceed with our all natural, birthing center, unmedicated birth plan, but if at the end of the day the Lord has other plans, we will fully surrender to that.

Yesterday was our scheduled ECV (external cephalic inversion) which is basically where a doctor in a hospital attempts to reposition your baby from the outside, using lots of pressure with their hands! It’s definitely uncomfortable, but it was doable. My mom and husband came with me, we checked into the hospital, I took off all of my clothes and put on a little gown they had laid out for me, and they monitored me and the baby for about an hour and a half before the “procedure”. I’m using quotation marks because the word procedure seems a bit intense for what it actually was- the process lasted about 5 minutes, and although they felt INCREDIBLY long, they gave it a good shot and I’m thankful that they did! They gave me fluids beforehand to make sure that I wasn’t dehydrated, and drew my blood just in case anything went wrong. They also went over just about every negative possibility that could happen which was a little unnerving, but thankfully I was all prayed up and wasn’t really bothered by that!

The actual procedure was extremely uncomfortable, but again- doable. There were mostly moments of pressure, but every now and then it would be straight up painful. Tears were rolling down my face, but Seth was right there next to me, holding my hand (a nurse held the other) and kept telling me to look into his eyes and breathe! Although it was all a little overwhelming, that really did end up helping a ton. I think he was freaking out just as much as I was, haha. He kept asking me if I wanted them to stop, which felt like a trick question because OF COURSE I wanted them to stop, but I also wanted this baby to flip! So I kept telling him “I don’t know, just one second” because I didn’t even know how to answer!

Unfortunately there came a point where the doctor simply knew the baby wasn’t going to turn. I had asked midway through if the baby had moved at all, and once he said no, I sort of felt like the Lord prepared me for the strong possibility of the baby not turning. He stepped away pretty disappointed, and said he had done all he could do, and that some babies simply just don’t want to turn. I was so discouraged, but I thanked him and all the nurses, they monitored me for another hour to make sure baby and I stayed fine, and they let me go. I ended up driving home with my mom because Seth was late to practice, so we got Chick-Fil-A, ate it in the care, and went home. They told me that the most important thing to do afterwards was to rest and to stay hydrated, so that’s what I did!

Today, I was INCREDIBLY sore and I honestly feel like standing up and walking around to do anything takes me 10x longer than usual. They said it’s normal to feel sore, but man! Didn’t quite expect to feel this much soreness or pressure! All in all, I’m thankful that I did it because I totally would have regretted not trying had I not. I told my mom that I felt like it was a waste, but she reassured me of just that. It was just another thing that I did that had I not done, I would have looked back wishing I had at least tried.

I’m not quite sure what even tomorrow will look like, let alone the rest of this pregnancy! We have our big 36 week appointment tomorrow morning, so I’m excited to see how everything is to proceed from here on out. All I know is that He is in control, and that His yolk is easy and His burden is light. I don’t have to worry about a thing, because I fully know and trust that He’s got us in the palm of His hand! The end of this pregnancy is looking NOTHING like I thought it would, but it’s drawing me nearer to Him, and honestly if anything just growing my faith, grit, and strength! I’m so thankful for all of you guys, my parents, my siblings, and my sweet husband. He has been the most supportive, loving, encouraging shoulder to cry on, and lets be honest. There have been some TEARS, people.

As always, I’ll be keeping you guys posted! I don’t know the answer to many questions, but the more I find out and the further I get into this beautiful thing, I will continue to share and keep you up to date. I can’t believe I am (give or take) 4 weeks away from meeting this little blessing. There’s so much to be excited about even in this chaotic time, so that’s what I’m going to hold on to!